Perfect Chaos

I recently looked back through entries from the last few months in my beloved Moleskine journal. It made for uncomfortable reading.

“Today, I spent the whole day feeling stressed, confused and frustrated.”

“Today, I took an overdose of Procyclidine again because I couldn’t bear the stress any more.”

“I switched off my phone again today because the stress was intolerable.”

There were literally dozens of entries like this.

The prevalence of stress in my life in recent months has largely been due to living with very little money.

Have you ever been in a situation where you have no money to spend at all for days or weeks? You don’t know how hard such an experience is until you have been through it.

In capitalist society, nearly all positive experiences involve money, to some extent at least. It’s easy to take for granted that quick stop at Starbucks on the way home or popping out to the shop for a pint of milk, but when you can’t do it, it really hurts.

Of course, there are those who are suffering in far worse situations, and I think of those who are in prison or in hospital in particular. Please be sure to keep prisoners and those suffering hospital admissions in your prayers, because they really need them and I do believe God always responds to prayer.

On a happier note, I spent most of the day yesterday finalising a new music release. After brainstorming names for the project for several hours, I landed upon the name Agony and Ecstasy. The name captures the two poles of human existence and also reflects a tendency I have to experience bipolar moods. If you’re interested in hearing a preview of my first release, a five-track electro-rock EP titled Speak Life, you can do so here.

There is a positive aspect to living with very little money, which is that there is great joy in budgeting carefully and being frugal. I find it to be a joyful thing to discover a special deal on an essential product or when God provides money from an entirely unexpected source. Living with very little really does make you appreciate the great abundance so many of us take for granted.

With love,

Steven x