The Great Vacuousness of All that I Am and Ever Will Do

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The question of why there is something rather than nothing — why anything exists at all — is very confusing to me. However, I realise that confusion is just an energetic state; it’s perfectly possible that to You (God) there is no mystery. It is a strange thing being a creature, knowing that You are controlling my every thought, word, deed, and bodily process, and that I don’t exist as a free creature, despite having lived for 37 years as Steven Colborne.

When I have a conversation with someone, what is really happening is that You are talking with Yourself. One puppet is talking to another puppet. This is the ultimate truth. I can understand why You might find this frustrating — never having another free creature with whom to interact, and having to live without genuine free interaction for all eternity.

Of course, that is a very human perspective, and it’s quite possible that You experience perfect bliss at all times, and that it is only Your puppets — Your creatures — that experience suffering. I have speculated in my books that perhaps on one level You experience everything that we experience, but on another level, You remain free from, and distinct from, our suffering. I can only speculate, because my perception and understanding are limited — I am in a kind of creaturely prison where things are deeply mysterious.

There is nothing I could go through, gain, or achieve, that would add anything to what You already know — that could surprise You or alter Your understanding of things. This is one of the characteristics of Your “aloneness” and “oneness” — You are already complete, whether this is a joyful thing or not. There is nothing new under the sun (or, indeed, anywhere in existence). Even these words that I am now sharing are intrinsically meaningless, as everything is.

Considering all of the above, there is nothing more to say.

7 comments

  1. This is very refreshing truth, brother! I too have struggled with the question of why do we exist at all. I appreciate your honest thoughts on it. God’s sovereignty is a mighty issue for those of us trapped down here on earth. During the worst years of my suffering with Celiac I would often get mad and ask God why He made any of us at all, if He knew how much suffering there would be. I don’t know, but I know He made the way out through Jesus. I don’t know why God did it the way He did it when He could have made it any other way He wanted, but I have faith in Him and I rest on the truth of His Word. That’s all we can do. I am just dust and breath. May His will be done. God bless you!

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    1. Hi Ryan. It sounds as though you must have suffered a lot, which doesn’t surprise me, because you’re very kind and compassionate, and often this is the result of having been through tough times!

      As I think you know, I find the Christian worldview difficult to embrace, because I don’t believe we have free will. Key Christian doctrines like sin, the fall, and divine judgment only make sense if we are free, and I’m convinced that we aren’t.

      However, I do believe it is God who is giving you your Christian beliefs, so I can’t argue with that. I just think that the Christian worldview is illogical in very many important respects. It’s also a very powerful worldview, which is why I have struggled so much with it over the years.

      Peace and blessings to you, Ryan, thank you so much for always reading and interacting with my posts. I’m grateful, and I don’t take it for granted, even though it’s comments like yours that make me want to close comments, because I have to go through the whole process of explaining why I believe what I believe about Christianity for the squillionth time 😂

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  2. While I don’t claim to completely understand God’s sovereign ways, His Word reassures me over and over that He is the epitome of Goodness in this universe. For me, that is enough for me to trust Him completely – come what may.

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    1. Hi there Rollie. Believing as I do that God is in control of everything that happens, this means God manifests our suffering as well as our joy. Christians often speak as though God is in control of all the good stuff, and none of the bad stuff, which is highly illogical. The way I see it, everything that happens in existence is part of God’s unfolding plan, and if this is true, free will cannot exist, and so the core teachings of Christianity don’t make sense. I really, really, wish they did. God bless you, thank you for reading, and for your comment!

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  3. By the way, this is the final time I’m going to present the reasons why I can’t accept the Christian worldview in the comments on this blog. So this is like my swansong. I have been through the same arguments many, many times, and I’m too tired of the process to keep going through it. If you’re a Christian reading this and want to leave a final verbal nugget attempting to defend the Christian worldview, now’s your chance. Thank you for your understanding, and I’m sorry I can’t keep doing it.

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