A man with his hands clasped in prayer leaning on a table with a Bible and a notebook

The Pull Towards Jesus

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Hi everyone. There’s so much I could share with you today, but I am going to make this post brief because I want to have some quality prayer, worship, and Bible reading time this evening.

On Wednesday, with the help of the pastor from a church I used to go to and one of his congregants, I moved all my belongings to the new flat. It went pretty smoothly, with limited contact with the troublesome neighbour, and the pastor was happy that I could donate many of my old belongings to the church. It was a tiring day (actually, that’s an understatement; I was completely shattered by the time everything was loaded in and unpacked!) but thank God there was no major trouble.

Since moving in, things have been tough. There’s a couple staying in the flat who haven’t exactly given me a warm welcome. I’ve also had a problem in that my bank messed up the process of issuing me with a new card for my new address, so I might have to wait a week for that to arrive. There’s also been lots to sort out in terms of finances, updating my address in many places, cancelling certain direct debits, and a host of other things.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time in prayer over the last couple of days, and today I found myself reaching for one of my Bibles. God directed me to Psalm 6, and it is an incredibly relevant psalm that really speaks into my circumstances:

Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger,
Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure.
Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak;
Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
My soul also is greatly troubled;
But You, O Lord—how long?

Return, O Lord, deliver me!
Oh, save me for Your mercies’ sake!
For in death there is no remembrance of You;
In the grave who will give You thanks?

I am weary with my groaning;
[b]All night I make my bed swim;
I drench my couch with my tears.
My eye wastes away because of grief;
It grows old because of all my enemies.

Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity;
For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.
The Lord has heard my supplication;
The Lord will receive my prayer.
10 Let all my enemies be ashamed and greatly troubled;
Let them turn back and be ashamed suddenly.

I’m yet to fully understand why God has moved me from my previous accommodation to this new flat. It is, of course, a great relief to be free from that troublesome neighbour, but I have been really struggling to understand what plans God has for me here. I don’t yet feel settled. I know I already shared with you my plans to set up a business, but I need to pray about all aspects of that and whether it will be wise to apply for a small business loan at this time.

It might surprise you to know that I’m planning to visit a local church on Sunday. It could be a really difficult and frustrating experience, because of my theological problems (often shared on this blog) with the Christian faith, but there’s a part of me that feels I need Jesus and that He is perhaps the answer to my troubles (there’s no need to comment saying “Yes, Jesus is the way!” because I fully understand that Christians believe this and while I’m not a theological expert when it comes to Christianity, I’m certainly not a novice — read this essay and you’ll understand).

I will keep you posted, but (once again) I ask for your prayers, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayer support surrounding the move and everything else. I am very fortunate to have such amazingly kind readers.

Peace and blessings,

Steven

26 comments

  1. Prayers are meditation. They empower you from within and make you do the right thing. I am happy for you that your life is again on the right track, slowly and surely. Have faith and everything will be fine. Keep me on your prayers as well

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  2. I just prayed for you, Stephen, after reading. I know having new flatmates and adjusting to new environments can be hard (I’ve had toxic ones myself) but give it time.

    I’m glad God drew you to the Psalms; they’re a great reminder of the human experience and all it entails. I hope you had an enlightening experience at the local church. Praying for you.

    Blessings!

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