Overwhelmed with indescribable stress
I lay under my duvet
Praying helplessly.
I thought it was real –
The interplay in my mind
Between my father and I.
Today’s revelation:
These episodes of interaction
Are all in my mind.
Why didn’t someone love me enough
To get to know me
And let me know?
No, we’ll inject him was poison. That’ll ‘heal’ him.
On one level
I am immeasurably thankful
For the understanding
That these episodes of mind
Are solely my own
(Though what others perceive
And understand of my experiences
I do not know)
On another level
They are so absorbing
That they seem beyond my ability
To control.
What is the key to my healing from these experiences?
Maybe they don’t require healing
Just love and understanding.
[There is an upside. They call it bipolar. My mind is wild with elation sometimes]
Right now, I am enormously thankful that the unbearable stress fantasy has disappeared, and that I am enjoying a glass of wine, some incense, some good music, and the joy and peace of writing. God is good all the time.
I wonder. Would true love take these fantasies away?
I wish someone would answer.
Perfect Chaos 