Perfect Chaos

When somebody behaves unkindly towards you and causes you physical or emotional pain, it can be difficult to know how to respond, especially because abuse can be very subtle. My question for this article is: Should you always forgive? Or is it possible to be too forgiving?

As a Christian, my first thought about this is to turn to the teaching of Jesus, who taught a radical approach to conflict. Three things that Jesus allegedly taught come to mind:

1) Turn the other cheek

2) Always forgive

3) Be willing to die for him

I have personally suffered many episodes of psychological and emotional abuse in recent years, and I always pray about how I should respond. God tells me to never get involved in any kind of fight, however subtle.

I am always happy to forgive, but should I keep returning to abusive family relationships when time and time again I am treated badly? Should I enter back into relationships I have stepped away from for the sake of obedience to Jesus, even though I could become sick or even die if I did?

I just paused from writing this article to pray about what I should do and God said that to put emotional distance between myself and the abusers is what He wants me to do at this time.

I think it will take a quite radical change in character (specifically in their relationship with God) for the people who have been abusing me in order for those relationships to be healthy. In the meantime I am lonely, but this is preferable to being abused. I have music and I have God, I have this blog and I have the ability to read and write, so there is very much to be thankful for. Also, sometimes putting emotional distance between you and the abuser can be the best thing for them, as you are mirroring independence to them in a way that might cause them to be more independent and happier themself.

It’s always especially difficult to deal with abuse from family members because these are the people I want to love and honour the most. Nevertheless, when I am forced to choose between being abused and serving God, if God directs me to respond in a certain way I will do my best to obey, trusting that He will always work things out for the best, as God is most loving, merciful, and wise beyond measure.