It’s been a few days since I was discharged from hospital and I would like to share a few reflective thoughts. In case you missed my recent personal update and aren’t aware, about a month ago I self-harmed and spent over a week in intensive care before being moved to a specialist ward where I spent the next three weeks recovering.
Why did I self-harm? Strangely, I have no recollection of the thoughts that were going through my mind when I did. I know that I had the intention of ending my life and that in the weeks leading up to what happened I went through some quite bizarre experiences. I’m sure psychiatrists would say I experienced an episode of psychosis. I have never tried to end my life before and hopefully I will never do so again.
I’m typing this post with one finger because I have damage to both my arms. My right arm is not too bad, but sadly I damaged nerves and tendons in my left arm and have lost sensation in three of the fingers on my left hand as well as in part of my left hand and arm. I feel fortunate that my right arm isn’t too badly damaged as I’m right-handed. In addition to the injuries to my arms I also damaged my neck and it was some time before I was able to eat and drink anything (I was fed via a tube for around two weeks). I’m still having some trouble swallowing normally, though it’s not too bad. My voice has been affected, notably I can’t speak or sing above a fairly low pitch. Am hoping this will revert to normal in time.
In future posts I may well write about the experiences I had while in an induced coma in intensive care, but as typing is difficult right now and I’m still coming to terms with what happened, I’ll keep this post fairly brief.
One thing I will mention is that my sister was so incredibly supportive. She lives abroad but flew to London to visit me in hospital. She helped me in so many ways (I am undeserving) and I feel closer to her than ever before. My relationship with my father remains difficult but he visited me in hospital and helped me financially when my wallet went missing. I’m thankful and have a renewed determination to work at that relationship.
Faith-wise, not too much has changed. In hospital I read both the Bible and the Qur’an. I know that listening to hymns and praying every day changed the atmosphere in the wards I was on and (I’m convinced) speeded up my recovery. Thanks be to God.
I’m determined to answer the remaining questions I have concerning those areas where the Bible and the Qur’an apparently contradict one another, and if God grants me more time in this world, this will likely be a central focus. I hope that you will continue to read my posts and I remain hopeful that the books I have written will reach a wider audience as I believe they have the potential to change lives for the better.
Peace be with you and thank you for reading ❤️
Perfect Chaos 