A man with his hood up sat on a wooden bench looking out over a lake

I Don’t Even Exist

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What I’m going to describe in this article is difficult to explain, so bear with me. The title isn’t indicative of a sob story about feeling neglected, but is instead a philosophical statement which I intend to explore and unpack. I hope that you will afford me a few minutes of your time because this post is relevant to everyone.

Those who are familiar with my philosophical outlook will know that I describe human beings as puppets under the control of an omnipresent God. It’s important to mention that I use the word puppets rather than the word robots to describe human beings, and there’s a significant difference between the two. Robots are pre-programmed and function automatically, whereas puppets are actively controlled by a puppeteer who has the ability to act spontaneously. The latter description is, I believe, an accurate analogy for the human/God relationship.

According to this view, there is a sense in which we are all trapped in our human bodies. Our lack of free will means we have no control over our past, present, or future — we are entirely at the disposal of the will of a sovereign God. In fact, take away the sovereign God from our human activity and there is nothing left. Now the title of this article should be making more sense.

I believe that, in reality, God is all that exists. Every created being is something God has manifested within Himself (because He is everywhere and nothing exists outside of His being). So we are all manifestations, or expressions, or aspects of God.

There is a play going on in which I feel as though I am Steven Colborne, but it is simply a mode of mind under God’s control that makes me feel this way. God could quite easily, in any moment, change my thoughts so that I identify as a different person. Indeed, there is evidence of this in the way psychiatric patients often have the experience of identifying as Jesus or another major figure from history for a period of time.

It’s possible for a human being’s thoughts to be changed so that they experience themselves as an entirely different person. In what sense, then, did the former person really exist?

Take away the impressions in consciousness with which you identify and you don’t have a being with a life story any more – you have the puppet without the puppeteer; an empty vessel. This is why, when we die, our bodies are just empty shells. And this is why I can say I don’t even exist.

I’m not convinced that creatures have souls, because I’ve never heard a convincing description of what a soul is. I once wrote an essay which explored the idea of the soul in the works of Plato and in Christianity, and the conclusion I arrived at after undertaking all of my research was that the soul is an entirely elusive entity which no one has ever understood or described properly. Could this be because there is no such thing?

I do believe consciousness is eternal, and that there has never been any kind of non-existence. Non-existence, I believe, is an impossibility. All there is is what has always been, only God manifests Himself in different forms and expressions as the ages go by. Nothing is brought into existence, and nothing goes out of existence, though forms change. So while you don’t really exist in one sense (as the individual person with which you currently identify), you have always existed in another sense (as conscious awareness).

While we experience our humanity, there is a certain veil over our lives which prevents us from seeing the bigger picture as I believe God sees it. This difference in perception is why it makes sense to say we are, in a way, distinct from God. But I believe there may be a time in the future when we will view what we thought we were during our supposed existence as ‘human beings’ in a different light. The illusion will be exposed, and I hope (if the nature of God is love) that when that time comes, we will look back with a joyful appreciation of the game God has been playing.

The thoughts expressed in this article touch on some of life’s great mysteries, and I do not claim to understand everything, so take from this article what you will, and leave what you will. I have closed comments because I want readers to think through for themselves what I have said here, rather than entering into arguments about these matters.

I hope that in reading this article you have thought deeply about the human experience and our relationship with God, because provoking such reflection (with the aim of helping people to feel liberated via the realisation of certain truths) is the reason why I write.


Now would be an appropriate time to mention that I have released a new book, entitled ‘Puppets’, which is a compilation of my four full-length book releases in a single volume. You can read more about it and all my other books on the books page. Thank you for reading!